I took the truck to my local trans shop this morning, they showed me that the white plastic part is the disconnect, you squeeze the white tabs and wiggle it and it comes out. it worked! My lower fitting doesn't have the plastic part but I was able to unscrew the line at the in line fitting and the radiator is out! (yea).
After all the parts swapping, my overheating is a 35000 mile old radiator. I guess next time I won't assume anything.